| My rather shrill and decidedly temperamental Thai | | | | exchanges between the driver and his companion, |
| alarm clock surprised me immensely by sounding | | | | I assumed the contents weren't technically |
| at 5am. Prior to this morning's unexpected | | | | allowed to leave Laos and enter Vietnam. |
| accuracy my contender for the world's cheapest | | | | Something fishy was going on but that wasn't my |
| and most unreliable alarm clock had both | | | | chief concern. As we pulled to a stop behind |
| completely failed to activate, and also gone off at | | | | various other vehicles at the border post I was |
| 3.45am without my having any recollection of | | | | more than a little pre-occupied with the possiblity |
| setting it for that ungodly hour. On that notable | | | | that I might be denied entry into Vietnam. |
| occasion I was on my way from Bangkok to | | | | Precisely what I would be do in this event I did |
| Chaing Mai, and was sharing a first-class sleeper | | | | not know. The cardboard boxes were the least |
| compartment with perhaps twenty fellow | | | | of my worries.After waiting around for what |
| backpacker's and a handful of wealthy Thai's. | | | | seemed an eternity it was our vehicle's turn to |
| Thankfully I had my curtain drawn across so | | | | approach the border guards. I was stamped out |
| no-one realised the source of their nocturnal | | | | of Laos with the minimum of fuss. Confirming my |
| interruption.Where was I? Oh, yes, Vientiane the | | | | suspicions that something fishy was indeed going |
| capital city of Laos PDR, 5am and the scene of | | | | on, I witnessed my driver palm a border official |
| my first major success with my erratic little alarm | | | | some money. The search of our vehicle was then |
| clock.Vientiane had proven itself to be a rather dull | | | | less thorough than usual and with the cardboard |
| and uninspiring city. So it was with a certain sense | | | | boxes officially ignored we were waved through. |
| of relief that i bounded out of bed, washed, | | | | Towards the Vietnamese side of the border!Being |
| dressed, slung my backpack over my shoulder, | | | | the only westerner in our group I had to wander |
| and sauntered outside in search of a tuk tuk to | | | | over to the imposing Immigration Building on my |
| take me to the bus station.For anyone who may | | | | own. My heart was in my mouth as I presented |
| be wondering, finding a tuk tuk in the dark and | | | | my passport to the unsmiling official. As he |
| deserted streets of Vientiane at a little after 5am | | | | thumbed through my passport to find my visa I |
| is surprisingly easy. Firstly, walk for around twenty | | | | realised that my immediate future lay in this |
| minutes in what you assume is the direction of | | | | indifferent man's hands. I felt less than |
| the riverfront. At this stage you may, if you are | | | | comfortable. Soon enough he had located my visa |
| anything like me, suddenly become aware of the | | | | and was beckoning over his stony-faced colleague. |
| fact that you are a little bit disoriented. Fear not, | | | | After a brief, unreadable conversation the other |
| for if you strike out down that little road to the | | | | man walked away. The man behind the plexi-glass |
| left, completely on a whim as I did, you will be | | | | coughed, yawned and then looked me right in the |
| sure to stumble out almost exactly where you | | | | eyes. My heart sank. He cleared his throat, it was |
| had intended to be. Assuming you are anything | | | | the moment of truth.The Immigration official |
| like me of course.In my case I arrived at the | | | | spoke. My heart was beating so loudly in my ears |
| riverfront near to the delicious food stalls that are | | | | I thought he said $10. He did say $10! I slipped the |
| open at night time. Unfortunately at this hour one | | | | note under the counter and watched as he placed |
| is not greeted by the terrific aroma of frying | | | | that glorious stamp in my passport, slid it back to |
| beef, simmering lemon grass and sizzling chilli. | | | | me and waved me into Vietnam. Easy. What had |
| Unfortunately at this hour one is not greeted by | | | | I been worrying about?Safely back in the van I |
| anything or anyone much at all. Suffice to say | | | | replayed the scene in my mind. Was it a bribe? Or |
| there wasn't a soul about, let alone a tuk tuk in | | | | was it an official fee imposed when entering the |
| sight. Having factored this precise scenario into | | | | country one day early? My guidebook couldn't |
| my morning's schedule I was aware that I still had | | | | clarify this for me and frankly I wasn't fussed. I |
| plenty of time. The bus I needed to take to | | | | had made it into Vietnam and what an exhilarating |
| theborder town of Lak Sao didn't leave until | | | | way to do so!So, I found myself, twelve hours |
| 6.30am, and I had been reliably informed that the | | | | after my alarm clock had finally realised it's |
| bus station was only ten minutes by tuk | | | | potential, in the Socialist Republic of Vietnam. As |
| tuk.However, I didn't much relish the thought of | | | | the day gradually shifted into night I stared at the |
| an early morning hike without food in my belly, | | | | rolling hills of green and allowed my self to relax |
| and with only my heavily laden backpack for | | | | and take stock. I hadn't meant to when I woke |
| company. But hike I did and just when I was | | | | up this morning but I had made it into Vietnam. I |
| giving up hope of ever finding a tuk tuk I spotted | | | | had thirty days to explore this fascinating and |
| a slumbering soldier with a rifle across his lap. An | | | | beautiful country. I was excited and I was |
| ambiguous and non-committal hand gesture was | | | | content. In amongst all the panic and confusion |
| his only response to my polite enquiry about a | | | | back at the border I had managed to find some |
| tuk tuk. So I simply pressed on. Several minutes | | | | food and a bottle of water. I sat back and let |
| later and with my mood darkening, a solitary tuk | | | | myself enjoy the journey.I'm not sure how long I |
| tuk loomed on the horizon. Quite a magnificent | | | | had been day-dreaming for but I suddenly |
| sight if the truth be told. With my previously | | | | became aware that the co-driver had clambered |
| sagging spirits given a mighty lift I began to | | | | through the minibus and was sitting in the seat |
| march towards the tuk tuk, very aware that my | | | | next to me. I reluctantly snapped out of my |
| bus was due to leave in a little over half an | | | | reverie and realised that he had been asking me |
| hour.After waking up the dozing and dishevelled | | | | for another $10. In Lak Sao I had agreed a price |
| driver and negotiating a price, I was very soon | | | | of $5 to be driven to Vinh, in Vietnam. Now they |
| hurtling through the early morning city streets | | | | were suddenly demanding more. I argued for a |
| towards the bus station. People were beginning to | | | | while, angry that the Vietnamese passengers |
| stir, monks were strolling in search of alms, and | | | | weren't being asked for $10. I knew a two-tier |
| roadside stalls and other businesses were slowly | | | | pricing system existed in South-East Asia, and had |
| being readied for the day ahead. The sun was | | | | had no problem with it until now, but being |
| unhurriedly rising and lighting the scenes unfurling | | | | confronted with it so blatantly made me |
| around me in a most agreeable manner. Vientiane | | | | exasperated. My arguments proved futile and |
| at this hour appeared gentle and charming, almost | | | | faced with no choice I handed over the $10 very |
| attractive. But I had a bus to catch and with | | | | begrudgingly. I wasn't having the best day of my |
| about two minutes to spare we screeched into | | | | trip and all I wanted was to get to Vinh, fall asleep |
| the bus station, my driver hurling my bag at me | | | | and start again tomorrow.About seven O'Clock |
| and pointing to my bus and the ticket office.I ran | | | | we stopped in a dirty, nondescript little town. |
| to the ticket office and bought a ticket before | | | | Mistakenly assuming we were stopping for food |
| attempting to board the bus. I had to take my | | | | or to use the toilet, it came as a great shock |
| backpack on the bus with me and clambering | | | | when I was told we had to change to another |
| over sacks of rice, various baskets and cages of | | | | minibus. I hadn't been told this earlier, and nor it |
| livestock and one notably diminutive man, proved | | | | seemed had my fellow passengers. We were all a |
| a little tricky. I soon came to the realisation that | | | | bit confused and our doubts and suspicions were |
| there weren't any seats left on the bus. Sensing | | | | soon magnified by the arrival of our new driver. |
| that i was a little perplexed as to where I was | | | | Beady-eyed, unkempt and smelling distinctly of |
| going to spend the next 8 or so hours, a kindly | | | | rice wine he was not an individual that easily |
| old lady with a basket of chickens and | | | | instilled confidence. Especially considering I hadn't |
| assortment of vegetables on her elderly lap | | | | had the most relaxing of days thus far and was |
| pointed in the direction of a pile of sacks at the | | | | feeling quite fatigued. Now I was stood in a |
| end of the bus. I nodded my thanks and reminded | | | | grubby little town somewhere between the |
| myself of the fact that I was travelling on a public | | | | border with Laos, and Vinh, our final destination. It |
| bus in Laos after all. This was what travel was all | | | | was pouring with rain and my new driver |
| about and why I had chosen to travel by public | | | | appeared to be drunk. Vietnamese roads at night |
| bus in the first place. I chucked my pack onto the | | | | have a reputation for being very crowded and |
| back seat and slumped into my pile of sacks. I | | | | very poorly lit. Accidents are common and |
| actually found them to be quite agreeable.I | | | | travellers are strongly advised not to travel by |
| couldn't see out the windows which is normally | | | | road after dark.Not faced with a tremendous |
| how i pass long bus journeys, so instead I read | | | | amount of options I shoved my pack into the bus |
| my book and drifted in and out of a sleep of the | | | | and jumped in after it. No sooner had I slammed |
| head-lolling, jolt awake variety. Apart from a | | | | the door shut we were off. We pulled into the |
| cacophony of noise provided by the wildfowl on | | | | frantic melee of scooters and drove for all of |
| board, the journey was uneventful by South-East | | | | about ten minutes before stopping abruptly. The |
| Asian standards, and we arrived in Lak Sao at | | | | driver alighted the vehicle and entered what |
| 3pm.My plan was to find a guesthouse and | | | | appeared to be a house. Quarter of an hour later |
| explore Lak Sao for a while, and then spend the | | | | he re-appeared and came ambling towards the |
| night there beofre heading into Vietnam in the | | | | vehicle before slowly and unsteadily re-positioning |
| morning. I was in no hurry, my Vietnamese visa | | | | himself in the driver's seat. His hair was wet and |
| started on 18th September, today was 17th. I | | | | slicked back and smelt unmistakably of shampoo. |
| had plenty of time so I was happy to break the | | | | He had also changed his clothes. It appeared that |
| journey into two and move nice and | | | | our potentially inebriated driver had treated |
| steadily.Finding out via ten minutes of sign | | | | himself to a quick shower before propelling us to |
| language that there was in fact no guesthouse in | | | | Vinh. Despite having been awake and on the |
| Lak Sao slightly scuppered my plans. That they | | | | move for over fifteen hours, and having a rapidly |
| proved to be ill-researched plans had sadly led to | | | | diminishing sense of fun, I managed a smile at this |
| my current predicament. My style of travel has | | | | man's unbelievable nerve. I actually quite liked the |
| and always will be the "wing it and see what | | | | way this chap conducted himself! I just hoped he |
| happens" style of travel. This "things will work | | | | wasn't really loaded and that we made it to Vinh |
| themselves out in their own weird and wonderful | | | | in one piece.If he was driving under the influence it |
| way" approach to travelling has led me into some | | | | never showed, and three hours or so after his |
| fascinating situations in the past and inevitably will | | | | shower our inimitable driver pulled alongside a kerb |
| do so again in the future. Usually I emerge | | | | and triumphantly announced that we had made it |
| unscathed and armed with a unique story. That's | | | | to Vinh. The time was 10.45pm and I had now |
| the theory anyway.The only time this theory | | | | been awake for seventeen hours and forty five |
| cannot be applied, confidently at least, is when | | | | minutes. In that time I had stumbled and groped |
| one is trying to enter the Socialist Republic of | | | | my through the dark streets of Vientiane in |
| Vietnam one day before their visa officially begins. | | | | search of a tuk tuk. I had been sat on the floor |
| From all that I had heard on the traveller's | | | | of a public bus surrounded by quacking, squeaking, |
| grapevine I had about as much chance of entering | | | | and clucking farm animals. I discovered that there |
| Vietnam on this particular day as I did of finding | | | | wasn't a guesthouse in Lak Sao. I had shared a |
| rocking-horse shit! However, I didn't have many | | | | minibus with one man constantly smoking and |
| options and I had given up trying to explain my | | | | another constantly spitting into a plastic bag. I had |
| predicament to the friendly but insistent group of | | | | unwittingly been involved in an illegal smuggling |
| guys offering to drive me to the border and on | | | | operation although I only played a very minor role. |
| into Vietnam.So with a great deal of trepidation I | | | | I had possibly bribed a Vietnamese Immigration |
| threw my bag onto the roof of the minibus, paid | | | | Official. I had been ripped off. I had swapped |
| my $5 and took a seat. I soon learned that I was | | | | minibuses in a dingy little town. My new driver had |
| to be sharing this nerve-jangling journey with a | | | | snuck off for a quick shower. He may well have |
| very curious bunch of people, who I later realised | | | | been drunk. It had certainly been a long and |
| constituted my first impression of the | | | | enervating day.Alas, we had finally reached Vinh |
| Vietnamese.The gentleman sitting just across the | | | | and I felt an immense sense of relief washing |
| aisle was chain-smoking ghastly smelling cigarettes | | | | over me. I had made it. I began to reflect on how |
| with his window firmly rolled down. Another fellow | | | | these situations always have a habit of working |
| kept hawking up phlegm from the recesses of his | | | | themselves out in the end. Then I realised that I |
| lungs and periodically depositing it into a plastic bag | | | | was exhausted and had to find a bed for the |
| he appeared to have brought with him for just | | | | night. So I asked my driver the whereabouts of |
| that purpose. My third and final fellow passenger | | | | the nearest hotel. True to his unpredictable nature |
| was a Vietnamese lady who, to her credit, | | | | he shrugged, pointed up the road somewhat |
| displayed rather more unobtrusive and sociable | | | | vaguely, and proceeded to drop my backpack |
| character traits. At one stage in our journey she | | | | into the deepest puddle I had ever seen. With |
| silently offered to share her fried rice with me. | | | | that he cleared his lungs, spat vehemently inches |
| Not meaning to offend I nevertheless politely | | | | from my feet, nonchalantly combed back his hair |
| declined her kind offer.Alongside myself and the | | | | and sprang into his cockpit before speeding |
| Vietnamese passengers were row upon row of | | | | away.Excuse me, where did you say that hotel |
| cardboard boxes. Quite what these contained I do | | | | was again? |
| not know but judging from the hushed, anxious | | | | |